Let's Make PC Official

I think it's time that we did the right thing and made Political Correctness official.
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Looking around the news, it's clear that people are being offended by the things that other people say. And I think we all know that being offended causes significant and permanent harm to the offendee in a wide variety of emotional, psychological and financial ways, and that any offender must be severely punished.
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Don't worry. This will be simple. A three-step approach:
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First, we identify members of a Certified Victim Group (CVG). Members of this group would include women, blacks, hispanics, Muslims, illegals and liberals (or is that term offensive? Am I supposed to say "progressives" now? Please let me know, I don't want to offend). We make it a Constitutional Amendment that a member of a CVG can announce that they are offended by something someone else says, and the offender is immediately subject to a lawsuit (can't have enough of those) and job dismissal (before he offends a co-worker). We could have a code word so that everyone knows what's going on. I will suggest "Shenanigans!"
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Second, everyone knows that government exists to step in at every opportunity to micro-manage our lives, to make everything "fair" and "even." So, we create a government program (obviously) that maintains a web site of all of the words and phrases that we are not allowed to say in public. Because this list is constantly expanding, the government program will have to be very large and expensive. That's fine. No cost is too high to save members of a CVG from being offended. We can give the web site an appropriate name, like TheFirstAmendmentIsDead.com. This way, we can always be up to date on Words and Phrases That Are Not Allowed In America For Fear That They May Offend Someone. For Co-Directors, I will nominate Al Sharpton and Don Imus.
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Third, we figure out how to pay for this critical bureaucratic program. Oh come on, I'm just kidding! We all know we can just "tax the rich" to pay for it. Of course, "the rich" don't need all that money, they didn't earn it, they don't deserve it, and they're evil. Get their money. Unless, of course, they're a member of a CVG. Those people are okay. Because, you know, they're victims and all. We may have to wait in line behind those who are also expecting "the rich" to also pay for health care, energy, infrastructure and a few dozen government programs, all as we raise their taxes, but I'm not worried. I'm sure we can soak those rich meanies for a few more bucks.
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See? I told you this was easy.
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And I hope I haven't offended anyone.
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